Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
