Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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