This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
