I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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