Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
