God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
