So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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