She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
