You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
