i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
