Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
