Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
