porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
