We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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