Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
