How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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