I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
