I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
