Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
