i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
