Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
