You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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