did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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