is your mom at the bar?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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