Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
