YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
