At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
