Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
