hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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