playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
