There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
