Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
