I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it glows. i had to have it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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