The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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