Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
