Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
