I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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