Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
