so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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