I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
