New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
