So drunk its hurt
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
