wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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