conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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