I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
