9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
