I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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