When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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