Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
