filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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