I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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