batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
