Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
