What did we do last night that was yellow?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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