There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need a beard to bite.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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