Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
