In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
